Liliana's Bullying Blog Introduction

Hi. My name is Liliana and my summer project is about bullying.
I created this blog so I can post all of my work in one place to share with my teacher,  classmates, and others. Please feel free to comment below.

There are three different types of bullying: verbal bullying, physical bullying and cyber-bullying.

Verbal Bullying:

This type of bullying is when someone uses words to make someone else feel bad. Examples of this include when someone threatens you or makes fun of you. In the book “Blubber” by Judy Blum some of the kids in the story make fun of Linda Fischer for being fat by calling her “Blubber.”

Another example that’s been in the news a lot is about young people who are gay that have committed suicide (killed themselves) because they felt like they wanted to get away from the kids who bullied them and made them feel like they didn’t belong in the world.

Physical Bullying:

This type of bullying is when someone uses his or her body to hurt you (punching, kicking, smacking, etc.)  This is the kind that most people used to think of as the only kind of bullying. My aunt, Andrea Kelson, who is a Special Education teacher at PS96 in District 4 told me this true story about a 5th grade boy who got a “safety transfer” to a different school because he was getting pushed and shoved every day and the other kids called him names because he was very small. But the bullying continued even at his new school. Finally, from what his mother says, he couldn’t face the day to day torture of being punched and hit and non-stop name-calling and one day he hung himself in his bathroom. His mother found him dead. It is so sad that he wasn’t able to get help and felt that his life wasn’t worth living.

Cyber-bullying:

This type of bullying is when someone is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed, or otherwise targeted by another kid or teen using the internet or other technology (for example twitter, facebook, youtube, texting, email.) (This definition is from the website cyberbullying.org)

A few months ago, my mom and I watched a movie called “CyberBully” with Emily Osment starring as a girl named Taylor who finally gets her own computer for her birthday and goes online (for the first time without her mother looking over her shoulder) to a site like facebook to meet new friends. She gets caught up in people saying nasty things about her online. She becomes obsessed with what’s being written about her and begins to withdraw from her friends and family. She doesn’t even want to go to school anymore.  Finally, she comes to a breaking point and attempts to commit suicide. But her lifelong best friend comes to her rescue before she is able to kill herself. She then goes to therapy and meets other teens who have been bullied and she realizes she wants to make sure this doesn’t happen to other kids. She and her mom take on the school administration and her state politicians to try to bring attention to the issue.

Another example from my aunt’s school was one where the physical bullying turned into cyber-bullying. This boy was in the bathroom and another boy said to his friends “Let’s beat up “John” and then film it and put it on YouTube.” The wanted to beat him up because he was smart and a good student. I think they were jealous and they wanted to feel powerful. They beat the boy up and posted the video on YouTube. After several days, the Principal found out about it, the parents and the police got invoved and the boys involved receved a superintendent suspension which is very serious.

My school, PS11, will not and does not tolerate any level of bullying and the consequences are very serious including suspension from school.

Interviews

Interview with my aunt, Andrea Kelson, teacher at PS96. 

Welcome to “Take a Stand Against Bullying” Interview #2. 

My name is Liliana Kelson, a student at PS 11 and I’m here with my Aunt Andrea  who is a teacher at PS 96 in East Harlem, NYC. 

Q: How long have you been teaching, Andrea?

A: Well, I’m entering my 20th year as a teacher. 

Q: Wow, that’s a long time! I have a couple questions for you.

A: Sure, I’d love to answer your questions. 

Q: Have you ever had an experience with bullying at your school?

A: Oh, yes, I’ve had many experiences related to bullying at my school.

Q: What are the most common types of bullying?

A: Well, most bullying takes place related to how someone looks. For example, let’s say someone is really, really skinny. Or if they wear clothes that other kids don’t perceive as being very fashionable, or if they are a very good student, that might make them a target for bullying. Also, I see a lot of bullying against kids that are very, very small, particularly boys. 

Q: What’s the response by the teachers when they hear about or see bullying at the school?

A: That’s a very good question. Most of the teachers in my school will take the ‘bully’ aside and talk to him or her privately to see if that makes a difference in their behavior. If that doesn’t work, then we call the child’s mother or father to see if we can get help there. We also ask somebody in the school, a peer, to see if they can talk to the bully to make him or her understand that the behavior is wrong and get him/her to improve it. If those three approaches don’t change the behavior, then the teacher will call one of the administrators, either the assistant principal or the dean to help. 

Q: So it gets more serious as time goes on and the behavior doesn’t get better. 

A: Yes. I’d say that 80% of the time, the intervention by the teacher works to fix the behavior. 

Q: What was the most recent bullying thing that went on?

A: Well, there was a terrible incident that happened recently. It didn’t involve my school, but involved a nearby school. There was a boy who was bullied at one school, then came to a school that’s a few blocks away from PS 96. He needed a safety transfer because kids were bullying him...and he went to the new school, but he continued to be bullied at the new school. Ultimately, he ended up killing himself because he was being bullied. 

Q: And a safety transfer is when a kid is being hurt or bullied and the administration says it’s not safe for the kid to be at that school so he gets transferred to a new school, right?

A: That’s right. 

Q: And the bullies followed him to the new school? 

A: Yes, they followed him to the new school and threatened him, bullied him, called him names. Like we talked about before, he was very small and kind of bookish, so he was a target of bullying and he was really tortured, not physically but mentally, by the other kids. We have not had any situations that extreme at our school, but we have lots of instances of bullying. There was one time that in the boys’ bathroom, a 7th grade boy was made to fight on camera with another boy and one of the other students posted the video on youtube. 

Q: That’s so bad!

A: Yes, now the principal found out about it and made the parents take down the video off of youtube, but only after about 100 kids had already seen it on youtube. 

Q: So the parent took it down?

A: Yes. 

Q: Do most of the parents of bullies at your school not exactly respond much to the bullying, maybe they don’t care that much?

A: I think the parents do care, and when they are informed about it they respond, but I think a lot of parents don’t know until it’s brought to their attention. Sometimes I think they are aware of bullying behavior but a lot of times they just don’t know how to deal with it themselves. 

Q: Interesting. 

A: I just want to add one thing, there are also other parents who say, “why are you being so punitive with my child? It’s part of growing up. Kids get teased, kids will be kids.” etc. Some parents might not understand that the behavior is crossing the line. There’s a big difference between teasing and bullying. 

Q: Like they might say “boys will be boys, they bully!” right?

A: Exactly. 

Q: I have one more question for you. Have you seen changes in the way bullying has been responded to over the twenty years you’ve been teaching?

A: You mean have I seen changes in the way that teachers and administrators deal with bullying?

Q: Yes. Is it different?

A: That’s a very good question. I’ll start by saying that a lot of schools have responded to the bullying issue by enacting programs within the school. For example, there are two programs in my school that I can recommend. One is called “Getting Along Together” and what that does is the teacher creates activities for  the students who do a lot of pretending or role-playing to put themselves in the place of the bully and the person being bullied. We have one that we started last year called the 4 R’s. The last thing I want to say is that twenty years ago we didn’t have to worry about cyber-bullying because there was no internet and therefore no social media, or texting, etc. I’ve seen a big increase in the incidence of cyber-bullying in the past few years. Don’t you think that might be happening in your school?

Q: Yes, on social media sites, it’s easy to post things about kids that can be really hurtful. 

A: Right, and what kids don’t always understand is that once you post something on the internet, it’s there forever. 

Q: And it goes everywhere. 

A: It goes everywhere, and you can’t say afterward “oh, I’m so sorry!” because it’s already out there. 

Q; So overall, have you seen bullying increase or decrease over your time as a teacher?

A: Another good question...I don’t see an increase in the amount of bullying...

Q: But you see an increase in cyber-bullying?

A: I do. But I don’t see an increase in face to face bullying. If you think about it, it’s easier to bully someone online because you don’t have to see them face to face. I also think, a lot of schools are starting something called a “zero tolerance policy” for bullying. At PS 57 they have zero tolerance which means you don’t get three chances or warnings, you get in trouble on the first offense, called in to dean’s or principal’s office or a counselor, and it’s taken care of immediately.  I think you told me PS 11 also has this, which goes along with the Kind and Gentle them, right?

Q: Yes. We have that at PS 11. You just get one chance. 

Well, thank you so much for your time today, Andrea. This has been so interesting! 

A: Sure. If you have any other questions, you know where to find me. 

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. - Harvey Fierstein 

"Take a Stand Against Bullying" Interview with my mom, Suzanne Kelson

Click here to view video interview on YouTube

Friendship Chart

Friendship Chart 

(from Confessions of a Former Bully by Trudy Ludwig)

I read this chart and thought it was helpful in identifying if a friend is a good friend or not a real friend. In the book, the teacher gives this chart to the bully so she would understand how to be a better friend. 

Good Friends                                                          Bad Friends

Appreciates and like you for who you are                    Put you down to build themselves up

Accept that you get to choose your own friends          Tell you who you can and can't be friends with  

Make you feel welcome in their group or activity          Won't let you join their group or activity

Have good things to say about you to other friends      Gossips or spreads rumors about you

Uses humor in a harmless way                                  Say "just kidding" when saying bad things about you

Make you feel accepted and safe                              Make you feel unaccepted and unsafe

Work things out with you when you have problems     Refuse to admit when they did something wrong

Are friends you can count on every day                     Are nice one day and mean the next

Really want to hang out with you                               Only play with you until "someone better" comes along         

Why Bullies Bully

Why Bullies Bully

When bullies bully sometimes they want to make their target mad, scared, or sad because, when they do this they feel more powerful. I also think that bullies are trying to get any kind of attention, even if it's negative attention. 

from pbskids.orgThe reason why one kid would want to bully another kid is this: when you make someone feel bad, you gain power over him or her. Power makes people feel like they're better than another person, and then that makes them feel really good about themselves. Power also makes you stand out from the crowd. It's a way to get attention from other kids, and even from adults.

What You Can Do to Help

What you can do to help if you see someone being bullied:

One thing you can do to help is to get a grown-up you trust and tell them about the situation. Some kids might believe that by doing that would be considered tattling but it is actually reporting. There is a difference. The definitions below are from the book Confessions of a Former Bully by Trudy Ludwig. 

• Tattling is when your intention is to try to get kids in trouble when they aren’t hurting themselves or others.

• Reporting is when you are trying to help kids out of trouble because they are getting hurt (physically or emotionally) or bullied.

Another way you can help is by being a "hero-bystander." Caring is the first step to helping. Here's a few more things you can do:

• Tell the kid who's bullying to stop --- only if you feel safe doing so. You should do this with other kids around to back you up. This takes some bravery, but if you feel safe doing it, it's a great thing to do. 
• Reach out to kids who are being bullied. Listen to them, support them, comfort them. Include them in to your activities or group. Most importantly, let them know that NO ONE deserves to be treated that way. 
• Don't join in on the bullying. If you laugh at other people being bullied, you're letting them know you think it's okay to be cruel. Don't encourage bullying by laughing or cheering while the bullying is going on, and/or spreading a nasty rumor. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem. 

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”  - Dr Martin Luther King, Jr. 

What this quote means to me is you might not remember someone bullying you, but you probably will remember if your friend is standing by watching you get bullied and not doing anything about it.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi

I think this means that if you want to see change in the world, you can't wait around for someone else to do it; you have to make the change yourself. In the example of bullying, you can help by being a hero bystander and not wait around for someone else to do it.

Quick Facts About Bullying

Quick Facts About Bullying

I found these facts in the book Confessions of a Former Bully by Trudy Ludwig:

• Nine out of ten elementary students have been bullied by their peers. 
• Seventy-four percent of 8-11 year olds said teasing and bullying occur at their school.
• Every day, 160,000 kids miss school because of bullying. 
• Eight year old kids who bully are six times more likely to be convicted of a crime by age twenty-four. 
• Most cyber-bullying occurs between nine and fourteen years of age. 
• More than half the kids in grades four through eight - 58 percent - have not told their parents or an adult of hurtful /mean things sent to them online. 
• Bystanders do make a difference:
• About 80 percent of bullying on elementary school playgrounds has an audience. 
• When bystanders do intervene, they stop the bullying abut fifty percent of the time.